it’s a wild world

the irony of the title and username of this blog are not lost on me.

now that i’ve pushed you away i have so much to say to you

and no one to say it to.

yes! i am a long way from home.

there are some things i really, really miss about you -

and, there are many things i’m glad to forget.

i don’t think i’ll ever truly make anyone happy, or complete anyone in the way it seems like so many people do for me. being nice hardly gets you anywhere in this life, it makes you end up bitter and lonely.

i don’t like myself like this, but i think for once i need to be selfish.

(pictures) versus verses

this

vs.

this

october blues (it’s a volcano, it’s a volcano, it’s a volcano)

am i driving everyone away?

everyone seesm to have october blues, even me, but i just push them away, pretend that this changing cold and dying leaves doesn’t affect me, that i’m eternally warm and young and popular, but it’s all a facade,

and i just don’t know what to say.

i don’t want to lose either of you, yet i’m an idiot in so many ways, and i hold the wrong people close, and let the wrong people go.

but the optimist in me, the fighter, says it doesn’t have to be like this, that we don’t all have to be alone

do we?

give me a reason to love you.

i’m starting to fall, like i always do, but this time slower and yet harder than ever before. i feel lucid, clear-eyed, completely aware, completely aware that i’m fucking myself over as much as i fuck him.

i’m the most empathetic person i know (unintentionally so) and he will never, ever love me.

this time, it’s not even because he won’t love me, but that he’ll never love anyone.

as one thing goes up another must come down.

there are spiders in my room.

une nuit americaine.

i’ve only ever kissed you in your bedroom.

i should have just done it today, in the kitchen, pulled you towards me, your smooth cheeks under my calloused left fingernails, flesh hurting, heart yearning. beat.

but all we do is say see you later, give a peace sign. give me a piece of your mind.

even in this situation i’m losing myself, simultaneous pain and pleasure.

life isn’t like the movies, it’s stranger. and in some ways, you’re even more of a stranger.

lost (it).

“oh i’ll be the one to break my heart, i’ll be the one to hold the gun

i don’t know what i knew before”

take it from the man!

sex is so isolating sometimes.

i think i might lose my virginity to a republican. but that’s probably just wishful thinking, i might never see him again the way i saw him last night – vulnerable, sweet, smiling in his sleep.

there is absolutely nothing as beautiful and pure as waking up in someone’s arms.

o museo de paradis

who needs los angeles when you have the getty museum?

i want to live forever in that beige oasis, i want to kiss someone in its secluded shade.

mostly i can’t stand the idea of going home.

this article made my day